This is my space and these are my thoughts

Stupid teacher. The in-class assignment isn't even being evaluated now! She said she was going to and I was hoping that would bring my mark up but dammit! I wanna cry again!

*sob
I got ditched today. On the one day when the weather was the most horrible, I actually had to bus home! Ok, it was fun sliding across the field but the cons far outweighed that one pro. Firstly, it was raining freezing rain and whenever the wind blew, it pelted my face and secondly, just when I got to the bridge, my bus came and went. Soo...I stood in the bus shelter for half an hour. Grr...at least I was smart enough to wear my coat today.

Well, at least I didn't have my econ quiz and accounting test today. On one hand, it's good cuz I didn't really study for those but on the other, that means I have to worry about those over the weekend along with my economics report. Wow, I can't believe it's pretty much been freezing raining for 2 days straight. It's so hard to get around.

Anyways, too tired to blog anything deep or to even rant and rave more now. Hmm...nose apparently bleeding so I'm gonna go now...

posted by j.why @ 4:20 AM 0 comments

And as predicted, I have begun to re-enter a depressive state of mind. And as predicted, it's happening because of calculus. Ok, I'm really not that down, just extremely mad and discontent at the way the teacher treats the class.

Ok, if the majority of the class fails a test, does that not indicate something to the teacher? Perhaps the test was too hard and was at a level above any other questions the students ever did from worksheets or textbooks? Perhaps she can't teach and pretty much only answers questions that her favourites ask. Ok, so my class isn't as smart as other classes but that doesn't mean that everyone in both classes are at a failing level.

It's one thing to fail a test and completely another to have the teacher rub it in ur face how dumb you are. You know what she did? First thing when we walked in the classroom door this morning, she hands us a sheet that tells us to find the errors that were made. I was thinkin, ok, she realized people did bad, she's giving us a little but of practice/review. But u know what? Those mistakes on that sheet? They're straight off of people's tests! Honestly, could she not have at least make questions with similar mistakes so that people didn't have to be so embarassed at the mistakes they made and feel so dumb about it? Did she have to repeatedly tell the class how dumb they are? Ok, if no one got over 70%, fine, give the class some review and maybe a second evaluation to perhaps bring their mark up. Why do you have to spend a whole class taking up the test questions and then telling the class how dumb they are while you're doing that? Yes, people should have the background from previous grades and most people do,they just made careless mistakes. And she says "I'm not saying that people don't make mistakes, you just have to minimize the number of mistakes you made" Well, guess what? How can we do that when the test is so long that people didn't even finish it, let alone have time to check over the test for those careless mistakes?

Yesterday, before I even knew my results from that test, I came out crying because I already knew I failed it. GEEZ! Can't she just give us a break? Looking over Lim's test, it seemed even easier than Colarusso's, though his TIPS question was hard. But overall, it was easier. It's not like I'm not already doing bad enough in that course! I was barely pushing an 80 and I was worried about that bringing down my mark! Now that I've FAILED a test, my marks going to drop even lower, my average is going to drop even lower and I'm not going to get into any university!

I know my math skills are weak but they aren't that weak. To other people, 80's aren't bad. They're actually considered above average. Yeah, the class failed one test but that doesn't make them dumb. Maybe she should think about this: even the people who got high marks on the last two tests failed this one. Does that not indicate something when power rule is even easier than first principle? Maybe it's not the students who are dumb. Maybe it's the teacher that gave a test that was too hard!

Ok, so I expected to do worse on this test than on my past one's cuz I only did about half of the assigned homework, but that doesn't equate to a fail! Maybe a 70 I could accept or even a 60! But a fail? And comparing to the rest of the class, of which there are smart people who do do their work, I wasn't on really on the lower end of the test. How can she expect us to not make mistakes when she kept telling us to work faster and faster on the test? Doesn't she know that being speedy causes careless mistakes to be made?

I've ranted and raved for a long time. I should be getting back to studying. After all, I still have an accounting test tomorrow, an economics quiz, and a calculus in-class assignment. Plus, a report to work on though I doubt I'll get that done until the weekend. I hate the mid-term crunch. You'd think teachers would be smart enough to coordinate their activities and not bunch everything together at the same time.

I'd rather be in Hong Kong right now and deal with SARS than deal with this! I'd rather have to spend a month sitting in isolation in my home than to face the stress and the wicked dragon teachers. I haven't slept earlier than 3 every night. I was ready to burst out in tears again today cuz I'm so stressed.

AHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted by j.why @ 12:12 AM 0 comments

Should be sleeping now. Yes, you're not reading the time wrong, it is 4:00am in the morning. I feel so discouraged about calculus right now. I'm not understanding it. I hope I do well but it's too late now for me to maximize my performance on the test cuz I've already gotten too little sleep. *sigh* And yes, I have no one to blame but myself for slacking off. And the same thing is going to happen for data. Half because I haven't been doing my homework and half because I've genuinely not been understanding it.

I was feeling so frustrated and discouraged until I had a nice little talk with fatez. It's true, he is too nice. And he knows how to motivate people, too although his pep talks might not do much towards increasing my chances of doing well. But at least it's brought up my mood, which is a good thing I think.

Was talking with antagonist today. Thanks for sending me that blog. Oh my goodness, everyone looked so different in grade 7! And wow, blowing up that picture to like 100x it's size, I can't believe the quality is actually pretty good. If anyone wants to know how I, or anyone else from Buttonville looked in grade 7 (only the one's who were in my class), check out mahanon's blogspot. There are a couple class pictures on the side and one picture from Wonderland if you scroll down a bit.

Anyways, I'm off to bed. So exhausted!

posted by j.why @ 4:15 AM 0 comments

I finally found a place that will upload it! Woohoo...wow...I didn't realize that picture was so big. *shrugs*

Do I look...good?? Hehe

posted by j.why @ 6:28 PM 0 comments

Wow...my first lovegety in like 3 years. Actually, I turned out looking better than I thought I would. Haha, does that sound vain? This was from Candy's b-day back in the beginning of March. I've been meaning to put this up but I keep forgetting. Anyway, I didn't even notice that the sky showed up on Peter's shirt until I scanned the picture. Haha, guess that shows how much (or how little) attention I pay to detail sometimes. Anyway, speaking of Peter, what are everyone's thoughts on how he looks in this picture? Most people who saw this thought that it was a pretty good picture of him and they all say he looks so cute. Is there something wrong with me or is there something wrong with the rest of the world? If you ask me, I thought that he looks psycho in the picture. Look at the eyes! They look zombified. *shrugs*

Aw...here's a record of the one day that dumcat had blond hair. Unlike many people, he actually looked pretty good in blond. Too bad his mom wouldn't let him keep it. Haha, and he wore his "black" hoodie! Haha, we have a record of that happening too! And why did he hafta make a funnie face in all the pictures?

And Fiona, too bad her eye was just starting to heal that day. It looks like someone knocked her out. And me, looks like I have pretty short hair. I actually like the way it looks in that picture. Now if only that will happen in real life.

I also took a pic with Flora that day too but I don't look as good in that pic. I dunno...maybe I'll scan that too. Stupid me, I stayed up till 3 to purposely to this! I was afraid I'd forget again...ah well, nitey nite.

posted by j.why @ 2:55 AM 0 comments

Lalala, should be doing calculus now but I don't want to continue. Honestly, I wasn't mad on the phone, I just get really, and I mean really, frustrated when I try to learn over the phone. It just doesn't work for me and I get really irritated. Anyways, just finished my online economics quiz. I wish those things actually count as quizzes cuz you can get perfect easily on those. Just go back and redo the questions that you got wrong! Haha, you don't hafta submit ur mark until after you get your results. Anyways, I decided to fake a 90% instead of a perfect this time cuz there really were some questions that I didn't know and it'll just look too fake making it a perfect. Actually, my first time through that quiz, I got 50%! Shh....dun tell! Haha.

As materialistic as I'm about to sound, I really want to get my presents now even though it's a month after my birthday. Where's my Lilo & Stitch? Hehe:
Me: "How do you say 'family' again? O...o...what?"
dumcat: "O...osa....osama! Oh wait...Ohana!"
Me: "Haha! Osama means family!"
Aww...you know what I'm bitter about? People who keep saying they'll get you this and that and then never getting it for you. Honestly, right now, someone owes me tons of stuff! Fine, his grandma says he can't give people presents after their birthdays but what if it's not a birthday present? Like...my Christmas present! Actually, what's killing me more is that he says that he was gonna make me something for my birthday but now that I don't get it, I wanna at least know what it was that I was supposed to get! That mystery is killing me! Kinda like how curiosity killed the cat.

Ok...do I have messed up hormones or what? It's two weeks (only) after my last period and it's back already! Well, not full on heavy period, just very, very little, but it's still a period! ARG! I know it's not normal but I don't wanna take birth control pills. They're gonna give me cancer and then I won't be able to have children! I don't want to be barren! Ahhh!!

Anyways, responding to some tags, I'm not really letting them walk all over me. Actually, when I told them I had no money, they believed me but then I was like, "Meh, I'll 'chang' them this time." I didn't mind treating them, I would've if they'd asked me, it was the whole, having to trick me part that kinda bugged me. And yes, I am up late on weekends, but doing nothing. Blogging, neopetting, icqing (barely cuz most everyone's asleep or WC3ing), and I have my early Sunday morning cartoons. X-Men: Evolution at 3am and Jackie Chan Adventures at 3:30am. Waha! And yeah, I prolly will miss my dad if they don't allow flights but so far, they haven't restricted it that far, they've just recommended not travelling to infected places for the time being. Hmm....I think I shoulda asked my dad to get me a phone in HK. My phone always screws up. And mid-term isn't even here yet and I've already begun to slack off! Noo....this should be the time when I'm working the hardest to boost up my marks but it's just not happening. I'm completely discouraged after learning my data and calc results.

Ok, 2am, guess I'm not gonna finish calculus. Well, at least I did the sheet though it doesn't have any quotient rule stuff and has only one product rule question. Oh well, I'll cram tomorrow night. Thing is, I keep saying I'll cram tomorrow night but that never happens. And data, well...even if I did want to do it, I don't get it. At all. I'm gonna do so badly in Data!!! I feel like bawling like a baby.

Speaking of bawling like a baby, I was crying yesterday because these feelings of being underappreciated just completely washed over me. I dunno, it's like this: I turned 18. It's a milestone in my life and yet no one (ok barely anyone) cared enough to do anything about it, cept 3 people really. And I sound really juvenile saying this but everyone had a party thrown for them but I had nothing. No one cared enough to plan something for me, or to even get me a present. Ya know, this is one of the biggest moments of my life - I became an adult - and it was one of the blah-est b-days I've ever had. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't bitter.

Feeling weird, haven't been in the mood to be productive lately. Haven't had a night when I actually finished all my homework in a while. Everyone's getting a new car! Can I join the trend and get a new car too? BTW, I went out and bought patterns for a prom dress today. Now my only problem is picking the one to make, making sure the tailor can actually make it in time, and making sure it fits. Aww...my favourite one of the patterns doesn't fit me! I thought I got the right size, the number was right, but I didn't realize that it was junior sizes, which meant that the measurements were all smaller! Hopefully, the tailor can fix that. But then again, that one's a puffy gown and won't those just make me look even shorter and fatter? *sigh* It sucks to be short and fat. Not much actually looks good on you.

Alright, enough wallowing in self-pity and being self-deprecating for one night. Time for me to ignore my homework and go to sleep.

Sweet dreams.

posted by j.why @ 2:23 AM 0 comments