This is my space and these are my thoughts

Well, another day, another entry. What to say today? Well actually, tonight was awards night at school. I got a Moderns (Mandarin) award and a Science (Biology) award. Go me! I've never gotten an award before, let alone two, so this was a very important thing for me. Unfortunate thing though that my parents did not consider it an event worth their time. This morning, on my way to school in my mother's car, I asked her whether or not I'd be expecting her at the ceremony tonight. The answer I got? "No, I'll be at work. Don't worry though, I'll go to your graduation." Hmm, nice to know my parents are so proud of me. I sure hope they won't miss my GRADUATION. So I had no one at the ceremony who was there just for me. Yes, a very sad fact. My friends wouldn't even come to see me. However, when I got home from the awards night, my dad seemed really interested in seeing my medallion and certificates. He sounded proud of me and my mom even wanted to see them too, except she didn't know where I put them (I told her they were on my desk but she thought I said the kitchen table). I guess that half made up for it.

Mmm, I really want a caramel toffee delato right now. Darn Tiffany, it's all her fault that I drink that now. It's so sweet but it's so good! Actually, I kinda miss my caramel caretto too. Yummy coffee. Speaking of, I haven't drank a cup of coffee in weeks. Every since I started having first and second period off, I haven't been drinking any. Mmm, hazelnut vanilla coffe, even if it's the diluted stuff from the caf. Not that I don't need any coffee but then I can't bring it into the library and I'm usually there finishing my homework and second. I really dont' know how this coffee addiction started. I used to hate the stuff. Then I started drinking it really sugared up. As in about ten sugars and five creams per small cup of coffee. Then for some reason, I started using less sugar and cream and now I'm down to a double double. Great, now I'm thinking about coffe and I want one except it's about midnight right now and I definitely won't be able to sleep if I drink one. Speaking of cravings, I finally had McDonald's today which I have been craving for for the last week or so. Yummy salty fries.

The thing is, when it comes to writing in a correct manner, with grammatically correct sentences and proper structures, I just can't do it right now. When it comes to spilling my thoughts, important or not, onto this site, it comes so naturally. English has really been getting to me lately. It seems like Mr. Best's class has no structure at all and I need that structure in order to focus on actually writing. Now with the due date on my major personal writing almost two full weeks away, I just can't focus on working on it. I'm so scared about English. I know Mr, Best is a hard teacher and it kinda makes me wish I had Beaton again even though I didn't really like him. At least, I did well in his class. I have a test tomorrow and I feel completely unready. The logical thing to do for any other subject would be the study like crazy, except it's practically impossible to study for English as the test is a sight passage and I won't know what to do until I see it.

The other day, I bought a Coles Notes on How to Get an A in Senior English Essays. I know it's kinda ridiculous to use one but I'm hoping reading it really would help. I also bought I another book on writing but I haven't really looked at that yet. I'm still deciding on whether or not I want to return it. Oh well. I still have one week.

I need a job. Not that I want one at all but I need experience and money and I'm scared I won't get into university without something to embellish my application form. All the programs I want to get into require such high marks, I don't think I'd be accepted to any of them and that really scares me.

I totally bombed my chem test today. For some reason, it feels like all the studying I did was completely useless. I know I did horribly on that test. I didn't know half of the multiple choice and I screwed up so many of the questions on the written part. *sigh* I almost cried after the test because I know I did so horribly on it. Why are the tests so much harder this year? I've been hearing from everyone, even the smartest ones in the grade, that they have been doing horribly on tests, finishing just in time, totally mixing up big questions, not knowing some of the stuff on the tests. The teacher's are against us. They don't want is to get into university. This is a conspiracy to make all grade 12's get low marks so that only OAC students would get into the good programs in university.

I think this should end now, I've been writing for a very long time. I haven't even gotten around to any whining and sulking yet today. I guess that will have to wait for another day.

posted by j.why @ 12:20 AM 0 comments

Am I really just making up problems for myself when there really aren't any or are they there? I'm not so sure anymore about that. I still feel completely horrible but what is my exact problem? I can't even pinpoint it. A psychologist. It's a really tempting idea to go see one but what is the use? I once read an article that said that they really aren't much help. They basically feed off the misery of people so that they can charge big bucks and drive around in Benzes. A psychiatrist is the same thing with the added can that they pump you full of hormone supplement pills. Medicines bad for you. You should let their own body fend for itself. This is a lesson that I learned from my chiropractor.

This whole university thing has got me stressed out. What do I want to do? I don't know. Going to a career centre last year wasn't much help either. "Make a career in something you are interested in." Great...now I can wake up at 4am every morning and earn little money because I took their advice and became a baker. Or maybe I will become a teacher, those relentless fighters against the Ontario government and their strict money budgets. Lately I've been thinking about becoming a dermatologist. My dad really wants me to go into Life Sciences so why not go into something that I have a slight interest in? The thing is though, the whole specialization process will take me through even more years of school. The Chartered Accountacy at Waterloo sounds good...cept their cutoff rate is high 80s to low 90s. Good luck to me. Science and Business at Waterloo? Sounds really interesting to me but with a cutoff rate of high 70s even for the co-op one, it must not be a very good program....right?

I'm not sure the U fair was of much help. Sure...I picked up a whole lot of brochures to tons of universities but what is the point of that when I don't even know what I want to do? I truly, sickeningly envy those people who are so sure of their chosen path. They have everything planned out and they can devote themselves to gaining the necessary courses and experience for their chosen career. BTW, I'm still sad that I didn't get to get one of those pens from the UOIT.

Wow...a new university...that seems really cool. And every student that goes there gets a laptop too. I want a laptop. And one that they upgrade every two years...pure genius. They don't have very many courses though...I think it's a total of about ten. Pathetic, non? But they do have a B.Comm program there. Don't know what it will be like though. Aren't there always risks of attending a new something? I mean...look what happened with the new curriculum? Every single studnet in the first year (given the sickening endearment of the guinea pigs) is stressen out about it and pretty much hates it. So being the guinea pigs of the UOIT is like rubbing sand into an open wound.

One thing I've realized is that I'm not very good at writing short entries. Once I start writing, I just keep going. This is what happened with my diary too. And my hand always ended up in cramps afterward because I've been writing for so long. Maybe that's why I've only got about 15 entries in a diary that I've kept since grade 3. This is better and I type faster than I write too. Oh the joy.

Fashion club...I really want that to happen. Darn teachers don't want to do it anymore. Hopefully my idea will change their minds. Or maybe they can recommend another teacher that may be willing to be the supervisor. Anyways...I've been writing for about twenty minutes now. I think that's my cue to stop. Until next time...

posted by j.why @ 12:25 AM 0 comments