This is my space and these are my thoughts: 03/02/2003

Saturday, March 08, 2003

ok...so the whole I'll-blog-shorter-blogs thing didn't exactly work out. I just ended up blogging like 10 short blogs in one day instead of doing one long one. and in the end, they end up being about the same length.

word of advice: do not drink chocolate milk when you are lactose intolerant. it gives you tumach aches. resist the urge! fight off the temptation!

2nd word of advice: do not drink coffee at one in the morning. headaches added on to tummy aches are not are not comfortable feeligs. even if someone mentions getting coffee, resist the urge! fight off the temptation!

really, sometimes i wonder who is the real me. am i the depressed, heavy-heart girl that's around half of the time or am i the silly, no -worries girl that's around the other half of the time? I can be so polar sometimes that it really scares me.

ok, and once again, my blog is growing to an unimaginable length. and it is getting late/early.

good night. sleep tight. and don't let the bed bugs bite.

Your Heart is Blue

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ya know, they always say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all but is that really true? I mean, if you've never loved and lost, then you'd never hafta know the pain of heartbreak and man, does that pain ever hurt! *sigh* cept in my case, there really was no "good while it lasted" cuz there never is anything! just pain - pain and unrequited love. *sigh*

TAILZ!!!!! u cheap poo! jus cuz u can get onto my blog from my house doesn't mean that u can blog on my blog! u had me so worried that someone found out my password and like...did this! arg!!! blah to you!

Ocean2

You come from the Ocean. You've always been drawn
to the sea, the sound of the waves, the crystal
blue water, near the sea is where you belong.

Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

shouldn't this be the origin of Tailz's soul and not mine? he's the one that's all water. and i should be heaven. i'm the one sitting on a cloud, zapping people.

grr...wish i could zap you right now, Tailz!

You know what...
I think I like girls....I've found myself very attracted to jessica today...
She was very beautiful. I wanted her badly...DAMN YOU BRAD!!!!! *sigh* I digress...
There are many other girls out there for me...that I like...in the school even. Ya know like Sam....sooo hot and sexy body...and then there's Tiff Yau...so innocent and sweet...I wish I could have her...DAMN YOU MIKE!!! And then there's Vwan...DAMN YOU SAVIO!!! She's sooo cute when she dances....*sigh*

As you have seen in my past posts...I have been driven away from males...I am openly saying as of now, that I am a lesbian. It is official. Let it be known...

Friday, March 07, 2003

Ya know...I was just thinking about the good ol days of last year and I was wondering, whatever happened to those necklaces that dumcat and Peter bought? they were nice!

Speaking of shopping...I want new clothes

LOL...has anyone else ever realized I'm very *cheung hei*? Really, I guess I am long-winded but hey, I've got a lot to say all the time!

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*sigh* Now if I could only find myself a boyfriend and apply those skills of being a perfect girlfriend.

your ideal mate is Legolas!

Legolas

Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla

*sigh* I love Orlando Bloom! *dreamy-eyed*

wow...i was up until 5:30am this morning working on my econ and in the end, i still did not have enough notes. darn fiona for writing forty pages of notes! it's so bad looking putting ur 10-pages stack of notes on top of her folder of 40 pages plus additional photocopies. ah well...i hope ms. rine doesn't mark by comparing works of her students. besides...if she did...i should still get at least 80% if Shaz got that with her notes.

i opened my first bank account today! haha! i have finally entered the twenty-first century! woohoo! lol. not as complicated as i thought it would be. woulda liked to do it at CIBC but ah well...TD is still good, right?

anyways...the day's been...interesting to say the least. the morning and afternoon were okay. i lived it in semi-happiness/semi-worriness. honestly, out of all of my friends, there are none i know that can retreat as much into isolation as peter can and it concerns me. Even I, Ms. I-keep-every-secret-to-myself, let out my emotions by blogging or talking to people. *sigh* I hate being such a worry-wort about people.

anyways...my evening cheered up! i finally had another get-together with my girls! aw...i never see them anymore! i'm always hanging out with my guys and aw....never see the girls. but the weird thing is...they all go home so early! it's midnight and i'm home already! like...what? anyway...it seems as though whenever us girls decide to have a girls-night-out, it never really works out perfectly. mich and jess decided that they wanted to have a double date! tonight of all nights! hehe...i can just imagine the conversations brad and justin will have (silence *crickets chirping in the background*), and of course, justin will have his signature little grin and giggle. also...the girls-night-out was tainted with the presence of a guy! like...ahh! hehe...naw...Mike's cool...we understand u didnt' know what to do with him after you guys went to the mall! lol. wow...moxie's...never believe a waiter when he tells you that the large is not very big and the small is very small. they lie! they just want ur money! i admit, the food was good! and that's why i didn't wanna waste it all! good ting tiff wong was there and her minute overdone steak didn't fill her up!

ugh...how stupid of me. i was stuffed to the brink and yet, i got a caramel toffee delato at second cup. now, i have a tomach ache and my hands are so stiff and numb from holding the cup! u cannot imagine the difficulty i am having typing this blog.

ok...i need to see my girls more often. i miss them all so much! hey...i still love my sons but they must learn to be independent now! especially since one of them has a girlfriend now! a girlfriend who ditched her girls so that she could go double dating with michelle, who ditched us too! besides...if ur father is allowed to ditch u guys...i'm allowed to too, right? besides...it was only temporary.

i wanna sing k! dumcat! i wanna sing k! hm...shoulda signed up for the k contest. show everyone that a CBC can win at the competition, wahahahahaha!

aw...i wanted to take a card with tiff y and tiff w today but just as we got to jips, they were closing! aw....we coulda still taken it but the rest of the girls hadn't shown up yet. ah well...next time, next time. *sigh* it'll prolly be another 2 months before we get together again.

does anyone remember those portable planetariums that used to go around to the elementary schools? u had to crawl through this tunnel to get into the dome and it's pitch black inside until they turn on the stars. *sigh* i miss those days. i miss listening to the legends about orion chasing ursa major and ursa minor and other constellations. maybe one day, someone will accompany me to the planetarium downtown? honestly...when (more like if) i ever a bf, i'm gonna make him go up to cottage country with me to watch the stars. i haven't been up there since 8th grade but i still remember how beautiful it was. *sigh*

honestly...when you see the milky way and the millions of stars, your life just seems so...trivial. it's almost as if, in such a large place - the whole solar system, the whole galaxy, the whole universe - what importance do your problems hold when they seem so insignificant when compared to everything else? it's honestly so peaceful to sit by a lake and just look up. when i'm older and can afford it, i'm so getting a cottage. my own place to go to watch the stars and escape the stresses of the daily grind.

anyway, i never seem to make it to my point. remember when i asked a while back, what other constellations were there...has anyone found any? any at all? ah well...i betcha no one bothered checking. ah well...

anyways...au revoir, bon nuit.

ugh...i hafta call my kids' parents tomorrow...poo...i hate talking to parents. ok...tah tah.

ciao, aloha, au revoir, zai jian, good bye, sayonara and all that.

Thursday, March 06, 2003

i'm on the computer cuz i need a rest from taking notes but is it really rest if my fingers are still moving but are typing instead of writing?

it's been another one of those "i need to blog, or else i'll explode" days. a word of advice, never start the day out being yelled at. or getting the car stuck in the driveway. anyone willing to listen to me complain today heard the whole story soo....i'm not going to rehash. besides...i'll just get all stirred up again and then i won't be able to work.

but really, was i really to know that there was a snowstorm? it honestly looked like 2 inches of snow against the garage. how was i to know the snow grew to like a foot deep 10 feet farther out? besides...my brother said "be careful when you're driving tomorrow, it's snowing", he didn't say "don't drive out tomorrow, it's snowing." besides...he had no school or work today so why couldn't he go for an oil change?

and so...my day has been horrible. i went through the whole day dreading being yelled at when i get home, dreading pulling an all-nighter to finish my assignments, dreading being yelled at by people in bad moods. it's so hard to make it through the day all tensed up and tiptoeing around so as to not step on anyone's toes.

honestly, i've wanted to have a good cry (or scream) the whole day but that's not exactly school-time activity. really, when i really need to cry and relieve tension, i can't. and yet, when i'm watching a sappy movie, it's not unusual i'll end up soaked and puffy-eyed by the end. *sigh* the crazy working's of my body. (btw, dont' be concerned. crying is good for you when the need calls for it).

now...what else do i hafta do? study some more for my econ quiz...pop quiz...how do you reduce demand-pull inflation? ans: when using fiscal policy, have surplus budget and when using monetary policy, have tight policy. but what's that better measurement of blah blah blah (BMEW)? um...*shrugs* therefore, i need to study more

i need a few more pages of written notes then i could start doing the highlighting and commenting thing.

and....last but not least...accoutning assignment. sucky thing is, my printer has no colour ink! arg! poo...

and i'm not even gonna get to calc today. poo...oh well...one more day!

aw...i love Carisa. she gave me a whole buncha games and songs! woohoo! cept...dunno if i know the tunes to the songs...oh well...i still love her anyway for helping me.

ok...back to stupid work.

*muah*

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

I hate Peter

ok, i need to blog or else i'm going to implode. please. inform me. is it wrong to be concerned about a friend? especially when they aren't acting like their normal self? perhaps i'm missing something here cuz i thought that being concerned for a friend is supposed to be a good thing, at least maybe for the person being concerned over. shouldn't they feel lucky that they have friends that do care about them?

gawd! i understand...people are stressed, things happen, but why take it out on me? i'm not a punching bag! if you've got something to say, ur welcome to tell me. I'll listen. but i won't tolerate being insulted and patronized because ur mad about something/someone else. don't take it out on me!

gawd...showing it to only ppl who are his closest friends? why? what does it accomplish to take it out on a close friend? what function does it serve other than pushing the friends farther away? maybe that's it. he can't stand close relationships. does he want to push me away? yeah? fine! then maybe he should stop calling me! what have i done to deserve being treated so badly? i've tried to be nothing but the perfect friend. who always helps him when he's stuck with a problem? who's up those late hours working on his applications? me! that's who! is it so much to expect a little respect in return? a little appreciation?

it's built up for so long already! every time i walk away or sound angry, i'm actually angry! yes, i do get over the anger really quickly but that doesn't mean that i wasn't angry. it doesn't mean that something wrong didn't happen. i just choose to not hold grudges, but it's becoming increasingly hard not to. really, what's wrong with saying sorry? especially when you were the one in the wrong? is it a pride thing? will it hurt ur ego? maybe some people need to deflate some. Saying sorry is not a weakness - it's a sign of strength that you're willing to admit when you're wrong and change your ways. It's just a five-letter word but it has tremendous healing powers.

honestly...i know i sound really long-winded but gawd! this has gone on for so long! does he not realize that i don't like it? is it really so hard to appreciate it when a friend is concerned? is it so hard to say sorry when you're in the wrong? gawd! it's like i'm continuously walking into a brick wall! yes, maybe i am to blame for some of it. after all, who's the one letting this happen? me. why? maybe it's cuz i see something in him that isn't a terrible person. or thought i saw. yes, when he's not acting up, he can be fun and funny and maybe even nice when i'm depressed and in need of someone. but why take out anger on me? do i do that to you?

the sad thing is, knowing my pattern of venting and then getting over it, i probably won't even be angry in the morning. dumcat once told me to just stop talkin to him but how hard is that to do, especially if u've been talking practically everyday for like the last two years? arg.

sorry. this wasn't targeted at anyone who actually reads my blog. i just needed to vent in a constructive and non-abusive manner. if i used "you", it's not targeted at you. really.

thank you for listening and enjoy the rest of your day.

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

uh...this one doesn't really sound like me, does it?

You'll probably love eneri.net.
Which Koi Variety Are You?

maybe quiz number two will turn out more accurate...

Have You Ever Been Mellow? Dreamy, artistic and imaginitive! You find youself constantly wanting to create. You're good with your hands and have a way with the written word. Your ideal partner would know how to appreciate both you and your art.

wow...what? is this the sub-conscious me? it doesn't sound like me. i even tried changing my answers on three questions and i still came up with the same results! hmm....i smell a conspiracy...

wow...stressed much? yes...why do teacher's hafta pile everything on the week before March Break? Don't they know we just wanna relax and have some fun for once? *sigh* my main concern right now...economics research notes and accounting article....goshies..i haven't even started the article thingy! arhh!!

*sigh* yay...somebody's actually admitting that he does owe me a lotta stuff! hmm....he is talking about owing me right? is there anyone else he's as indebted to as he is indebted to me?

anyways...still haven't decided...at the rate i'm going...prolly nothing's gonna happen for my b-day
*sigh* yes, i regret not doing something but what can i do?

question. should someone still get someone a b-day present even if they didn't have a celebration for it? hm...i think so...presents are signs of appreciating friendships right? they're not about appreciating being invited to a party. really, this isn't directed at anyone but me. i gotta give presents more. last year, i went to tiff y.'s party and i didn't even get her anything! hmm...i really couldn't think of anything to get her tho.

*sigh* yay...starting a job soon...hafta open a bank account (my first one! EVER!) haha...so...which bank should i go to?? does it make a difference really? i need help! quick...help me think of a game that little 3-5 year olds can play out in the snow for half an hour and is somehow related to animals. or some songs i can sing! poo...i gotta learn the rest of the words to three blind mice. my...do i have a limited repertoire of songs...and even more limited repertoire of games! i dun even remember how to play doggy doggy! hm....how do u sing/play speckled frogs? i dun remember if they mentioned whether it was a game or song...oh the dilemma. *shrugs* oh well, hope the kids won't mind red light/green light everyday! (naw...i'm not that mean)

i'm worried, what if something happens to a kid while they're in my charge? at least i'm looking after the older ones and there are less of them too...only around six 5-6 year old kids...i hope none are sulky...or don't speak english! hmm..i guess i can manage a little cantonese...hanging around a buncha fobs kinda required cantonese skills, non?

anyways...maybe i'll go do a few more of those quizzes, hehe, or go to sleep, whichever comes first

tah tah!

Monday, March 03, 2003

ok...i hafta admit. i've done tons of personality quizzes but never once have i ever posted up my results. so...here are some...do they sound like me?

What Kind Of Pokémon Are You?
You are GRASS! By nature, you are quick to form attachments to various people and things in your life. You don't handle change very well, but despite this emotional weakness, you are often the saviour voice of practicality and reason.

What Kind Of Pokémon Are You?

Which toe are you? o_O~?

What Drink Are You?

Sunday, March 02, 2003

prolly not the best idea to blog now but i just wanna talk for a little bit. hm...still wondering, deciding whether or not i should have a b-day party and if i do, what should i do for it? suggestions anyone?

aw...when flomato got out of the car, i didn't mean the "can you get out of the car?" the way she thought it meant! ok...i know she knew that's not what i meant but ya kno...after i said it, i realized it did sound mean. sorrie, i couldn't stop laughing at myself in time to apologize. i hope dumcat highbeaming you expressed my apologiez ;)

went to Candy's b-day party today. wow...i think today was like the first day when i didn't feel completely uncomfortable around the fobs. maybe it's because i'm friends with more of them now. woohoo. aw...that movie was so touching!

ok...next time there's something going on...wait for us to catch up with you guys before you drive off! me, flomato, and vwan kept getting left behind while everyone else flew away in their cars! aw...no one waited. *sigh* oh well

sleepy sleepy time...nitey nite

does it mean that i really don't have many friends if all my blogs really only contain stories about a few people?

This is my space and these are my thoughts