This is my space and these are my thoughts

Nothing to say really, just that I'm tired of being treated different from everyone else, as dumcat puts in, because I'm supposed to be a close friend. Sure, I'd love to be treated 'differently' if the different was in a good way. I mean, if someone is treating you specially by being mean to you, why would you want to put up with that? If you're being treated differently cuz ur close friends, wouldn't it make more sense to be nicer to that person, rather than the other way around?

Everyday, I see him being nice to everyone but if I ever open my mouth to say something, I always get some nasty comeback. And unless he's the one who initiates conversation, most likely, he will be mean to me. That's not to say that he's nice every time he talks to me. On the contrary, that hardly happens either.

Well, if that's how he 'naturally' is, as some may put in, then what can I do? It's not like I can force him to change and be nicer. No, I can't do anything about him, but I certainly can do something about me. Who said I had to put up with it? I'm very proud of myself cuz I walked away today. I should do that more often, show him that it's not okay to be mean. Gosh, it felt good that he came after me but I'll be damned if he even tried to apologize. Probably just trying to make himself look good in front of his friends. Whatever, life goes on.

Quest tomorrow, must sleep.

posted by j.why @ 1:32 AM 0 comments

oh my goodness. I must say that semester two is absolutely killing me and it's only the first day of the second week. I know I know, it's nearly 2am and I should be going to sleep but I'm still stuck in first semester mode and my body thinks that I still have first and second off (of traitorous body of mine). Yes, this means that I'm only going to get 5 hours of sleep before I hafta face a new day and I'm not going to be nice and dandy tomorrow morning.

I little predicament I am mulling over at the moment. If a guy, who usually does not buy people gifts (even for birthdays or Christmas), gets a girl a present, which BTW, was expensive jewellery (like $100), does that mean that he likes her? And if she makes suggestive comments on her icq about him and the present, does that mean that she likes him? Do long walks by the park mean anything?
My guess is that there's prolly something going on here but no one would tell me! *sigh* and if they really are just friends and that was a "just friends" gift, where's my "just friends" gift? Am I not close enough of a friend to deserve at least something? When I ask for presents, I never say "I want something expensive." I say I want something with thought. I mean, if someone can't even put the thought and effort into getting someone a gift to show their appreciation, are they really as great a friend as they'd like to think? Or as I'd like to think?

This brings up a whole other thing. It's something that I've been thinking about for a long time. See, I've got this guy friend who I consider to be a really close friend. The thing is, I'm not so sure if we are close friends or not. I know, I know, it all sounds so elementary. The whole division of friends into just friends, okay friends, good friends, close friends, and best friends. But I hafta say that these divisions really do exist.

Anyway, I digress. This friend of mine, I've always considered him a close friend (maybe even bordering on one of my best) but I'm not sure he feels the same. I mean, I can't exactly just go up to him and ask right? That would, as I said, be so elementary of me. But thinking about any phone conversations we have or anything like that, it's not very often that we talk about anything *deep*. Perhaps once in a while, he'll disclose some situation to me but more often than not, it's as if he purposefully shuts me out of anything personal. Basically, he'd rather just skim the surface. *Sigh*

I mean, I have newer friends who I see more and talk more deeply to. I know, quantity does not mean quality but I wasn't only considering quantity. It's weird how sometimes I feel so underappreciated.

The big question that's in my mind right now is am I really underappreciated or am I just selfish and want more than I really need?

posted by j.why @ 2:02 AM 0 comments