This is my space and these are my thoughts

Great, I had this really nice blog written out and then the server went and conked out on me. There goes all my thoughts. I'm not retyping all that stuff. Basically, this is what you missed.
-Gun threat at school today
-Lots of coverage of it on tv
-Blade is dumb

posted by j.why @ 2:16 AM 0 comments

All I have to say it, go dumcat. In all the time that I've known you, I've never heard you tell people off like that and good for you. You should stand up for yourself and not let other people get to you. Although, being gay is not wrong. Ok, you might think so but I'm sure gonna try to change that!

Yes, dumcat, maybe you now know how I feel when he always walks off like that, why I get upset about it. It definitely gets to you after a while. Not much to say. I wanted to sleep early but it's not really working right now.

I've found a topic to write about in English. I'm persuading about how religion is essential to maintaining good health. I know, I don't come off as a religious person but I've always thought that religion plays a huge role in people's lives. Although, those Christians that try to force you to convert truly scare the heck outta me. I know, I've already done something with this essay before for anthropology but that's different and I plan on writing it all over again. I mean, I know I did good (ok, I did great) on it but Mr. Doench's standards just aren't close enough to those of English teachers. Ah well, I'll enjoy brushing up on this subject again.

I'm off now, I'm gonna try to get some Ragtime in before I fly off to Dreamland.

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."

posted by j.why @ 12:20 AM 0 comments

Ok...what to write about today? I had to make up a lab for chemistry today and I'm scared that it won't work and I'll get a zero. It's bad enough that my test was horrible, I don't need anything else to pull down my marks. I knew I could stir with the thermometer, that's what the teacher from the Upper Canada School Board said in his website. Yay, now we can stir and swish. Cryptic, non?

I've been in the worst of worst moods lately. I've tried to not talk about it, hoping it will go away but it doesn't. I just don't understand him. Is it really that hard to wait, say 15 minutes, for a bus? For goodness sake, it's like I'm being punished for wanting something that I used to have. I tried ignoring him today but I've never been one to run away from my problems so that didn't work, although confrontations don't work with him either. Perhaps a lot of it is in my head but geez, is it so hard to be a little more considerate when you know a friend is going through a hard time? Constantly reinforcing the fact that I can't trust you doesn't exactly restore that trust. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused and depressed. I don't know. Are things different? I'm not so sure they are but it just doesn't feel the same. Every time I talk to him, I feel like I have to put up a fight. What happened to that natural flow?

I should keep this short. I need to read Ragtime and Amadeus. I'm so stressed about English but I don't know what I can do about it. I have no inspiration to write anything. The irony in that is that I find so much to write here and yet, nothing comes out when I sit in front of that blank word document. I don't think it will be a good idea to rant and rave in my personal writing, although he did say it could be about anything, in any format. I don't think online journal is one of those formats.

I want a divorce...no I don't...yes I do. Oh I don't know.

posted by j.why @ 11:51 PM 0 comments

Ugh, I hate English. Ok, I don't hate it, per se, I just can't think of anyone to write for my personal writing at the moment. I've thought about this for a long time now but it's hard to come up with something to write about when I don't have a certain format to stick to and I don't have a certain subject to write about. Without any guidelines, I can't write. BTW, the notes for Ragtime and Amadeus are due in two weeks and I still haven't finished them yet. As a matter of fact, I've barely read the books, let alone write notes about them. the thing is with long deadlines is that no one really uses the time to their full advantage. Especially me, the Queen of all Procrastinators. Tiff Yau as this one sticker thing that really seems to fit me. It's say "I'll stop procrastinating...tomorrow." It's true, I do try to stop procrastinating but I just haven't gotten around to it.

I actually don't have much to write about today. I exhausted my brain trying to write English. As of this moment, I have 297 words worth of crap saved in Word as my personal writing. What to do? What to do? I'm getting off the computer at midnight today. I need to reserve an hour of my time before I go to bed to read Ragtime and Amadeus.

*sigh* I'm so sick of how my personal life is going. I'm afraid that if I think about it, I'll start crying again and I certainly don't want to cry about it. I can't help but feel as if my friendship with a certain someone (who shall remain unnamed because you know who it is) has changed drastically. I can't talk to him now without feeling scared that I will be rejected. And he doesn't joke with me like he used to anymore. I honestly miss talking to him on the phone. Now, whenever I can even get him on the phone, he always begs off almost right away and then I feel sad again because I've been rejected yet again. Today, I approached him in the library to ask whether or not he's planning on starting his AIA. After taking like 30 seconds to answer my questions, he shooed me away. Zero points for Julie, a million and one points for him. It's probably crazy how I care so much but I've lost so many friends over the last few years that I really don't want to lose another one. It drives me crazy how this isn't being solved. I can't get him on the phone to talk about it because he refuses to and when he does listen, he refuses to do anything about it.

I finally had my McDonald's today. And a caramel toffee delato. Definitely not healthy but definitely worth it. Haven't talked to Roger in ages but he came with us. Yay! Didn't get a ride home though. Boo. Not that I'm mooching off of him.

It was absolutely freezing today. I feel bad for dumcat who had to walk home with only a t-shirt and a sleeveless vest on, with a delato in hand. Once I got home, I climbed into bed and refused to get out for the next two hours. Then I had to get up and make rice. Boo again.

Two minutes before midnight. Time for me to sign off.

posted by j.why @ 12:04 AM 0 comments

BTW, in the course of writing my last entry, dumcat did tell me who that gurl was. So when reading, you can just nix the first few lines.

Continue on.

posted by j.why @ 12:38 AM 0 comments

Darn that dumcat. He won't tell me who this girl is that he is talking about and it is killing me! It's true, curiosity did kill the cat. One of my flaws I guess is my abundance of curiosity, which sometimes is a bit intrusive but hey, I can't help myself. And yes dumcat, I do write long entries but I don't save it up to write like one day a week or something. I write whenever I have time, and whether that's everyday or every week, my entries would still be this long! Muahahahahaha! Sorry dumcat, I guess you'll just have to practice NOT falling asleep when you read my entries.

Actually, today's entry might be a bit short. I don't have many thoughts to write about today. Actually, I need to make a list of things I need to buy before I forget it all. First of all, I want more jeans, which I think my mom will give me money next week to buy. Second, I want that bulletin board from Costco. It's a bit smaller than other standard ones but it comes with markers, eraser, and magnets. And it's only $15 compared to the ones at Business Depot which are like $30. I need a scrapbook for my English, which I should get started on, and some post-it notes. I want those ones that come in shapes like half moons and hearts and arrows. Those are so cool! Anything else? Oh yeah, I want new shoes too. They're getting old and ugly but I think I won't make that a priority until they really get gross. Ok, now that that's down on paper (uh...), I can get on with my thoughts.

I had a couple friends surprise me around midnight yesterday. Actually, midnight this morning but who really thinks in that way? They stuck around for 15 minutes and we just chatted in my family room. It was nice to be able to hang out with people again, even if it was for such a short period. I've been such a recluse in my house lately that I've forgotten how nice it is to interact with friends. What I was wondering though after they left was how did they know that I was home? I mean, if they shows up and my doorstep and then called me to open the door, but I was out with other people, wouldn't their trip have been pointless? Ok, I understand they were trying to surprise me but that was just a thought that I had. Anyways, I was happy they came. I was so bored last night and the time was passing so slowly!

I had little homework tonight. I told myself I would work on my English, which I have been putting off for who knows how long now, but I just can't get down to it. Actually, I haven't even cracked open my English stuff yet and I don't plan on doing any tonight too. I don't think I'm putting it off purposely. It's just that I can't think of anything to write. I have no inspiration. It's like I've hit a writer's block the size of a downtown city block. Maybe it's because I get all my thoughts down here that I have nothing to write about for English. Does that mean that I should stop writing here? At least for a little while? I don't know if I can do it. I mean, all my loyal fans out there (with a total of one) are waiting for my entries. Besides, I'm actually really getting into this although I was reluctant at first.

I finally had my caramel toffee delato today and it was VERY yummy. Still haven't satisfied my craving for Mickey D's yet but I'm hoping to on Monday. See, this is why diets don't work for me. I give in to my cravings (which I read was what you should do because you'll just eat other stuff to substitute and you'll keep eating until you quell the craving, and that just makes you gain even more weight) and I also love food too much. Speaking of, I had gong dum today (a Vietnamese rice dish), and the shrimp were humongous! Honestly, the head was at least 4 inches long and the tail had the circumference of my fist. And it was very tasty, all thanks to my mom's wonderful talent in cooking. I should learn some of these things so that I can cook for myself and for my children too. Baking is so much easier than cooking! I wish I could do both.

I should probably get to work on my Christmas presents if I plan on getting them all done by then but I've just not had any time to work on them. Besides, I've been completely inspirationless, hence the block in the writing. If not, then I hafta start saving money if I hope to buy everyone presents. And start planning what to get everyone. Oh *sigh*

BTW, I'm trying to decide whether or not I should highlight my hair. Dying my whole head would be too drastic so I'm just hoping for a little colour. But I'm afraid it will look weird on me and if I do highlight my hair, what colour what I do it? Oh the dilemma.

Anyways, I'm done for the day. Until next time...stay clean and don't forget to wash, rinse and repeat.

posted by j.why @ 12:33 AM 0 comments