This is my space and these are my thoughts

I realize I've already blogged once today but I've got some serious ranting to do. I've got serious beef with those middle-aged office ladies I've been working with for the last four months. Women, you are in your forties or fifties, I'm sure that's enough time to learn to flush the toilet after you've done your deed!

No one needs to see that your bowels have exploded into the toilet. No one needs to accidentally sit down on your pee because they can't squat for that long over a pee-spattered toilet seat. I used to think leaving feces to mellow in a public toilet was only something kids did to amuse themselves as they thought about the disgust they've caused others to feel. But the last four months has proved me wrong.

I have only one questions for you: why? Are you like those kids that take pleasure in grossing out other people? Are you hesitant to flush the toilet because you don't want to touch the germ-ridden handle? Do you not look back to make sure you didn't leave a mess on the seat because you are afraid a monster is going to jump out of the toilet?

To the women who leave their poop to mellow: I know those toilets are high powered and won't clog because of your bowel movements. In my mad dash to the toilet after a large cup of coffee, I've had the unfortunate luck of encountering the only unoccupied stall that had your floating feces in the toilet bowl. But I bravely raised my foot, pressed down on the handle and flushed away your previous night's dinner.

To the innumberable squatting women: do you know the reason you are squatting is causing others to squat and thus also yourself to squat? Let me explain. You want to avoid the germs on the toilet seat, so you proceed to hover above the toilet and aim. But you miss horribly. This leaves a nice spattering of pee on the toilet seat that others have to squat to avoid coming into contact with. And of course, every subsequent person will proceed to miss the toilet bowl and be too germaphobic to clean up their mess. If you all had just sat on the toilet in the first place, us women was not be in this mess. Yes, I like to sit on my toilet. Please sit too so that I can avoid my regime of wiping twice and then lining the toilet before I pee. This regime is not conducive to the bladder-exploding times when I drink a whole cup of coffee and find out work has kept me from getting to the toilet until three hours after I feel that first tingle of needing to pee.

If for no other reason, you should be a better publish washroom person for the sake of the cleaning lady. Seriously, have you seen her? She's a little old lady with a limp! And she's slaving away in that washroom cleaning up after you middle-aged working women. Why do you try to act so professional out of the washroom and then go on to perform such atrocities behind the stall? Please, for the sake of all of us, flush, wipe, wash your hands, and get on with your day.

posted by j.why @ 1:17 AM 0 comments

To the two hot guys in the beat up minivan pulling a trailer that was waiting for the lights to change at the corner of Woodbine Avenue and Highway 7, thank you for making my day. I was the girl in the green Toyota Camry stopped in front of your car that almost caused a traffic accident because I was too busy staring into my rearview mirror to pay attention to what was in front of me.

You were both hot in your own ways. You, in the driver seat with your sunglasses and blond hair, do you purposely wear those sunglasses on a not-so-sunny day because you know how cute they make you look? And you, in the passenger seat, that goatee and brown hair is seriously sexy, even to a girl who's usually not into facial hair. Were you put on this earth to ease my day because heaven knew that I was going crazy from driving in rush hour traffic for the last four months?

Did you notice the Asian girl ignoring the rest of traffic because she was too busy boring holes into her rearview mirror with her gaze? It broke my heart when you had to make a left turn and I couldn't stare at you two any longer.

I'll be looking forward (or backwards) to our next encounter. If you see the girl in a green Toyota Camry weaving crazily through traffic, remember to wave and say hi.

posted by j.why @ 12:57 AM 0 comments

The Unexpectingly Creepy Commercial


I encountered this Unexpectingly Creepy Commercial some time tonight between my weekly dose of America's Next Top Model and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. The commercial for Colgate's new MicroSonic toothbrush started out innocently enough. In my mind, I was thinking, "wow, removes two times the plaque as your regular toothbrush, eh? Equals 10 000 strokes a minute, eh? Sounds pretty amazing. And it looks relatively cheap too."

Those poor regular toothbrushes sure have a reason to feel threatened - they don't stand a chance up against Colgate's MicroSonic toothbrush. Then I had a random thought: "what if toothbrushes really did talk?" And that was when the creepiness started seeping into my bones, sending a chill down my spine. Really, what if toothbrushes could talk? What if they had thoughts and feelings, just like how those regular toothbrushes were feeling threatened? Would you put a talking, thinking toothbrush into your mouth? Slather it in toothpaste and proceed to scrubbing it over your teeth? The poor thing would be drowning in foaming toothpaste and spit and all I would hear are its muffled sounds as it tries to scream for air.

Then, of course, reality set back in and I consoled myself into the resolution that toothbrushes are inanimate objects. But could you imagine the devastation talking toothbrushes would cause to the world of oral hygiene and good dental health?

posted by j.why @ 11:15 PM 0 comments

My last post got deleted before I had a chance to publish it. It was a very deep, soul-baring confession of secrets that I have been keeping from most of everyone until that moment when I began to type and the words began flowing out.

Now nobody will know what was written in there. It took me a soul-searing, heartbreakingly honest hour to type it and I'm just not up for that hour of my time for now. Besides, I need to sleep so that I won't be late for work tomorrow, although I can almost guarantee you that I probably will be.

So now nobody will now what that entry was about. It will forever stay the Lost Post.


At least until I decide to retype the whole thing again.

posted by j.why @ 11:08 PM 0 comments