Wednesday, November 06, 2002

The worst feeling I've had today was when I felt that something was wrong with a friend and I couldn't do anything to help. While talking to a friend today, they sounded as if they were really down but when I asked about it, they just said that they were tired. I dunno, whenever I want to show concern towards someone, it doesn't seem to work out. I envy those people who kno exactly what to say to cheer someone up or who know how to just talk through a problem without getting too involved to be considered nosy or too distant that it seems like they don't care. I, on the other hand, never know what to say or when to say it. Everything always comes to me in retrospect but what good is that towards my friend?

It's so sad to see everyone going through such a tough time with school, and their social life. I admit, I was so caught up in my own misery that I didn't even notice how others were suffering too. The carefree way that we all lived up until the end of the summer seems to have dissipated and is completely nonexistent now. Instead of going out for the fun of it, everyone wants to go out the escape the pressures of everything around them.

I don't know what to think anymore. I'm still really insecure about the friendships that I've ruined and tried to save. My concern for my social life isn't doing much good for my academics. Just thinking about applying to university makes to want to cry sometimes because I'm so confused about what I want to do. Darn career centres were no help to me last year. I need more time to decide what to go into but it's almost unacceptable to even be thinking about that.

Well despite all my worrying and stressing and depressing, it was actually a pretty nice day today. I went to Michael's with Jess and finally found what I was looking for. And I got a christmas present for tails already...speaking of presents...I have go searching for some now....

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

"It is better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all"

It's always so sad when people go through this time of indecision, when they are trying to decide whether or not all their waiting and pining for a person is really worth it. Depression is so hard to deal with and it makes you just want to shut everyone out. Speaking from experience, it may not be the best thing to do. You want to be alone during this time of mourning but when it all ends, who can you turn to when you have successfully pushed all your friends away?

The person I'm referring to should know this blog is for them. As for your blog, why close it? People have always told me it's always better to get everything out instead of keeping it all locked up inside, even you told me this. I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this. It doesn't seem like a very good attempt to cheer you up. I guess I'm just letting you know that you're not alone out there, no matter how much you may feel so or seem so. Even if you are by yourself, you aren't really alone because we're all with you in heart and in spirit.

It's such a part of life to have these low moments. And while they may seem like crap right now, you'll appreciate them later. Without these low moments, you can't really appreciate the good ones.

I guess I'm just letting you know you have someone here for you. You can talk to me. If you don't want to talk, then I've got a pretty cushy shoulder to lean on, albeit it's a little on the short side.