This is my space and these are my thoughts

*sigh*
another application to edit? why don't i just say no? it's just like smoking...just say no. or was it sex that u were supposed to just say no to?

posted by j.why @ 11:08 PM 0 comments

ok, that was dumb of me. i came on wanting to blog about something and i end up forgetting to post it at all! anyways...as some of u know, my comp got reformated! poo. i need songs! i'm getting tired of listening to the few that i have right now....please....songs!

posted by j.why @ 11:06 PM 0 comments

yay! i put in my counter on my own! am i competent or what? to go to nathan's or not to go to nathan's? that is the question. oh, the shakespearean allusion! Still in shock that i got 100% on my performance of Hamlet. *sigh* what can i say? i guess i just have a natural flair for the dramatics.

completely exhausted. i think my work schedule is finally catching up to me. Hmm...no good, no good. Especially not good cuz i'm up doing somebody else's work all the time! arg! okay, i understand u wanna get into university, Peter, but erm...isn't it supposed to be a reflection of you? and it's not my fault i made one mistake. ur english is more horrible than mine! ur grammars are bads mans! nevertheless, i'm sure that one peoples will understand ur *ahem, MY* beautiful story about success and failure.
*note to self. stop talking directly to people who don't read my blog!*

really...i do this too much...ok...no more talking to peter...or bin...am i allowed to talk to myself? well...actually...that's just about what blogging is right? ur talking to yourself...in writing. *ok...i sense weirdness. does this mean i'm getting sick again?*

oh yeah...speaking of work schedule (uh...from two paragraphs above), i have a job now! yay! hehe...anyone notice i wasn't around after school today? yeah...i went to my interview and she hired me on the spot! yay! now does that mean that i made a really good impression or were they just really deparate?

"oh treble woe!
hold off the earth awhile,
till i have caught her once more in mine arms."

aw...doesn't shakespeare always sound so romantic? cept...this is Laertes talking about his sister, Ophelia. hmm...conspiracy. *sigh* speaking of shakespeare, i hate unrequited love. it's so painful.

anyways, au revoir! good bye! a bien to (sp?)! see you soon!
the polka dot door, the polka dot door
see you soon at the polka dot door,
where songs and stories and so much more!,
at the polka dot door, at the polka dot door

really...why are polka dots called polka dots? they don't exactly know how to dance the polka, do they? they're dots!

ok...au revior for real this time. bon nuit.

posted by j.why @ 10:48 PM 0 comments

counter! counter! counter!

posted by j.why @ 2:04 AM 0 comments

once again, i am up late doing somebody else's work while they sleep. Do I mind doing favours for my friends? No. Do I mind the fact that they are sleeping while I'm slaving away at the computer? Yes. Why? Because not once have I ever received such a favour from him. Now that I think about it, what has Peter ever done for me that took more effort than stepping on a gas pedal? Um...probably nothing. If you can think of something, please tell me. I would love to have a reason to not resent a friend. You're not supposed to resent friends but right now, that's how I'm feeling.

Anyway, job interview tomorrow. Oh no...what will she ask? What should I wear? I hope I get hired. Anyways...time to sleep now...good night.


Has anyone ever noticed any other constellation besides Orion and Casseiopeia in the winter sky? Oh and maybe the Big Dipper? Maybe my astronomy skills just suck, but I just can't find them. Speaking of resentment, I resent learning about weather instead of astronomy in Grade 10. But then again, I can now predict when it will be cold or warm.

posted by j.why @ 2:04 AM 0 comments

thanks bradley for the pretty layout. pretty obvious i need to change the colours of my tag board huh? hmm....not today...nitey nite!

posted by j.why @ 1:59 AM 0 comments

do i look blind, deaf, or dumb? or just ignorant? there isn't much that goes on around me that i don't pick up. intuition is a strong tool. I'm not saying i pick up everything but mostly, if i'm getting a vibe from my closest friends, i'm hardly ever wrong. do i sound offended/angry? well, i'm not. slightly amused actually =).

intuition. now that's something that some people lack. but that doesn't mean that they won't try when they do find out. give people chances, especially when they seem sincere.

btw, this is directed at everyone and no one in particular. i've just had a few *interesting* conversations over the last couple days.

posted by j.why @ 1:40 AM 0 comments

okay...i admit my new template looked really familiar when I chose it but honestly, it's the only one with a side column wide enough to fit a tag board into. Also, it's the only one where the blog part didn't shrink to finger size when i put in the tag board. okay...tag board...that is bitten off someone but it's a good idea! It's a compliment to you that u've started a trend! well u bit my wish list idea, non?

posted by j.why @ 1:10 AM 0 comments

Not much more to say. I'm finally driving to school again! For the third time! Haha...that's so pathetic. I wish I got the car so I can drive to school but no...stupid people need to use the cars.

Sometimes, I really question myself. Whenever someone needs my help, I would always try my best to help him/her. But, is there any benefit to me? I know I know, that's the whole point of goodwill - you're not supposed to care about your own needs. But...if you don't care for your needs, then who will? Personally, I don't mind when my friends need help. I'll always try to do everything in my power to help them, even if it means sacrificing some sleep and maybe some time to do my own work. But what if they never do anything for you? What if they expect so much from you but don't give you anything in return? I mean, if I want to do charity work, I'll go volunteer in a food bank. When I help friends, I at least expect a little "thank you" if not anything else. Friendships are supposed to be about give and take right? It's a two-way street.

*sigh* I dunno, this isn't really about anyone in particular. Okay, I lied. Yes, it is about someone in particular but not anyone who reads this anyway so people, stop taking offense to the things I say! *ahem Tailz*

Anyways, I promised myself I won't keep myself awake too long to blog today so....nitey nite.

May the stars watch over your dreams.


*hehe, not too long of a blog today, right dumcat?*

posted by j.why @ 2:05 AM 0 comments

yay! thanks to all those people who were so good to me today! and boo to all those who gave me birthday beats. I love flowers! Have I mentioned that before. Hehe, I think I have. Thanks to my girls for getting me one for every year I've been on this planet - Tiff Y., Tiff W., Becca, Mich, and Kay. Jess...thanks for decorating my locker! If Brad or anyone else helped you...thanks to them too! Cept I dunno who else did it! Yay...I guess my (not so) subtle hints paid off huh? *sigh* Thanks Jess for the present! I love the magic 8 ball and the bacios are slowly disappearing and my Italian love phrases are getting better! LOL. Thanks tailz and fatez for the cup cakes! Tho sorrie, fatez, tailz beat ya to it...I'll return ur cup cake. =)

*sigh* darn you fatez for reminding ppl they had an al/geo test thingy to study for! I coulda had dim sum today! poo =(. If it wasn't for Tweety, I wouldn't even have remembered it was my birthday this morning! Goshies, I was so tired! Next time, remind me not to blog until 3 when my homework was finished at 1! *shakes head at self*

Am I still depressed? Yes. But to know that I have so many friends who care enough about me to do so much is reassuring and is a spirit-lifter.

I guess...I'll maybe blog more later but I'm going to get hmwk outta the way first. I have priorities. Speaking of priorities, somebody needs to learn how to do hmwk before they icq and surf the web and blog! *ahem dumcat* I'm concerned for your health, ok? It's not good to be sleeping at or past 3 every single night.

Ciao for now.

posted by j.why @ 9:59 PM 0 comments

ok...i guess i botched up my last blog. Whatever I said, I never meant it in an offensive way towards anybody. *ahem Tailz*. I just mean...what was it that dumcat said again? There are certain aspects of people you don't notice until they get a gf/bf. Like..everything about them was very platonic until u realize that they might like people and people might like them. Hm...that sounds offensive, doesn't it? Well, it's not meant to be!

*sigh* As the days go by, I've been getting more depressed. It's like there's this weight pressing on my heart and it's just getting heavier day by day. That's the horridity of keeping things to yourself. I know, it's unhealthy but who said I was in a healthy state of mind/emotional state? It's just...sometimes...you work so hard at something, you do everything in your power but in the end...you get nothing. The thing is though, this failure of my mine...it stares me in the face every single day; there's no avoiding it. You do so much and you work so hard at it but in the end...nothing. Absolutely nothing. And you question yourself. What was it all for? Was it worth it? Right now, the answers seems to be no.

Ok, there's something that seems really trivial to most people but it's honestly a huge deal to me. I guess it's just that I voluntarily view the world through rose-coloured glasses but honestly, is it normal to be 18 and still be so...unloved? I don't mean friends and family but love, REAL love. Or at least, deep like. For once, I'd like to experience the feeling of having a guy I like, like me back. I'm such a romantic but really - deep down, what girl isn't? At least most other girls have been able to do something about this romance in them. Honestly, what's so horribly bad about me that guys don't like me? Am I to believe that the world is so shallow that they can't get past physical appearance? Is it that even underneath it all, I'm a horrible person after all? Or am I just one of those girls that guys can be friends with but never anything more?

Thanks to everyone who sang Happy Birthday to me in FM today and came over to cut the cake. Hm....too many people at FM but I can thank the ppl who were at my house, non? Thanks Peter! Thanks dumcat! Thanks Simon! Thanks AhGer! Thanks Flora! Thanks for the cake Peter and dumcat! It's lemon, I swear! It didn't go bad! See? No stomach ache. *grinz*

Ahh...after most people left, me, AhGer, and Flomato (as I will call Flora from here on in) had a *deep* conversation. If you like someone, will you tell them? What if they had a bf/gf? What if their bf/gf is a friend of yours? What if the person you like is a close friend of yours? Say the situation is that you want to tell someone you like them but you don't expect anything back from them. Your just putting it out there so that the fact is known. Some people get uncomfortable when people tell them they like them. If the person you like is a good friend, a really close friend, would you risk losing your relationship to tell them you like them? AhGer and Flomato answered yes to this question. So did Peter when I asked him later on the phone. Any input people? I wish I had my tag board up so that you can actually post comments here *ahem dumcat!* But me...I would answer no. Considering I can't even tell my friends when I like someone, how can I go up to the person I like and tell them? Well, were does this get me? No where. But at least I know I won't have to face any potential embarassment/lose a friend/get seriously hurt. I've had my heart broken too badly before, I don't need it a second time...but I guess...things are inevitable, aren't they? If you're destined to have your heart broken again, who are you, in the scheme of things, to stop it from happening? *sigh* Oh destiny can seem so sweet but can also be so cruel.

I dunno...having heard and seen so many people willing to risk rejection to tell someone they like them, it makes me consider about changing my ways. Who knows? It could be along while tho. *sigh* Honestly, if only I could be one of those girls who has fleeting infatuations with guys, then I won't have to go through so much pain every single time someone I like...does...something...I dunno. It's been different for the last three times. But twice...it was only because I kept my feelings so closed. Even once, I got my heart broken by a guy cuz I wasn't willing to admit that I like him even tho he liked me back. He liked me and I didn't do anything about it! Oh well, elementary school...can't complain too much about it. I was young and naive. I guess I'm still young and naive since I haven't changed my ways.

Ok...it's supposed to be my birthday today right? I shouldn't be so depressed. Why do I always get so sad around my birthday? What is it with birthdays anyway that make people reflect so much on their life? Gosh, I'm supposed to be an adult now but I don't feel anything like an adult.

Ok...way too long, non? dumcat, you better have read EVERY SINGLE WORD AND SENTENCE IN HERE! Nah...I guess this was a private blog that I decided to put out there so that it I'll have less weight on my heart. You can scan over it.

Look around you. Maybe if people were more intuitive, then people like me won't have to suffer as much.

posted by j.why @ 2:17 AM 0 comments