This is my space and these are my thoughts

I hate Peter

ok, i need to blog or else i'm going to implode. please. inform me. is it wrong to be concerned about a friend? especially when they aren't acting like their normal self? perhaps i'm missing something here cuz i thought that being concerned for a friend is supposed to be a good thing, at least maybe for the person being concerned over. shouldn't they feel lucky that they have friends that do care about them?

gawd! i understand...people are stressed, things happen, but why take it out on me? i'm not a punching bag! if you've got something to say, ur welcome to tell me. I'll listen. but i won't tolerate being insulted and patronized because ur mad about something/someone else. don't take it out on me!

gawd...showing it to only ppl who are his closest friends? why? what does it accomplish to take it out on a close friend? what function does it serve other than pushing the friends farther away? maybe that's it. he can't stand close relationships. does he want to push me away? yeah? fine! then maybe he should stop calling me! what have i done to deserve being treated so badly? i've tried to be nothing but the perfect friend. who always helps him when he's stuck with a problem? who's up those late hours working on his applications? me! that's who! is it so much to expect a little respect in return? a little appreciation?

it's built up for so long already! every time i walk away or sound angry, i'm actually angry! yes, i do get over the anger really quickly but that doesn't mean that i wasn't angry. it doesn't mean that something wrong didn't happen. i just choose to not hold grudges, but it's becoming increasingly hard not to. really, what's wrong with saying sorry? especially when you were the one in the wrong? is it a pride thing? will it hurt ur ego? maybe some people need to deflate some. Saying sorry is not a weakness - it's a sign of strength that you're willing to admit when you're wrong and change your ways. It's just a five-letter word but it has tremendous healing powers.

honestly...i know i sound really long-winded but gawd! this has gone on for so long! does he not realize that i don't like it? is it really so hard to appreciate it when a friend is concerned? is it so hard to say sorry when you're in the wrong? gawd! it's like i'm continuously walking into a brick wall! yes, maybe i am to blame for some of it. after all, who's the one letting this happen? me. why? maybe it's cuz i see something in him that isn't a terrible person. or thought i saw. yes, when he's not acting up, he can be fun and funny and maybe even nice when i'm depressed and in need of someone. but why take out anger on me? do i do that to you?

the sad thing is, knowing my pattern of venting and then getting over it, i probably won't even be angry in the morning. dumcat once told me to just stop talkin to him but how hard is that to do, especially if u've been talking practically everyday for like the last two years? arg.

sorry. this wasn't targeted at anyone who actually reads my blog. i just needed to vent in a constructive and non-abusive manner. if i used "you", it's not targeted at you. really.

thank you for listening and enjoy the rest of your day.

posted by j.why @ 1:07 AM