This is my space and these are my thoughts

It always gets me so depressed to talk about relationships with people. At least they have had past bf/gfs to complain about and at least they've had people interested in them, even though they weren't interested in the person. What have I had? Nothing...I know...it always sounds so shallow when I talk about this because it sounds more like I want a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend instead of the genuine thing, but it isn't. Do I like someone? Maybe, maybe not...it's not something I can tell people...all I can say is that liking someone has never brught me anything except for deep pain. All I want is to for once have a guy I like like me back...it's so hard going through a day seeing people being so affectionate and so caring towards their bfs/gfs while I have nothing.

Prom's stressing me out...I don't even know if I have enough time now to make a dress...and what's going to happen with the tables? Everything seemed to work out fine but then people start saying they aren't going, others start moving around to other tables, people who were included in the table don't want to be at the table. Everybody's expecting me to throw the after-party when I really don't want to and now I feel guilty for not throwing it. The limos are pissing me off because having a limobus will be a fun thing for a bunch of people but some people have to be so picky about it. People know I really want a date of my own and yet they can't even be nice enough to go with me so flora could go with felix, or to go with flora so that felix could be my date. Everything about everything has been pissing me off.

Speaking of being pissed off, it really pisses me off when I'm trying to sleep and people are literally kicking me out of my OWN bed. What is that about? And people don't even feel any guilt about it. And yet, when I saw the perfect chance to kick them off the bed, I ended up feeling so guilty about it because I was afraid I'd hurt someone.

Honestly, I know I sound depressed all the time but I'm not. I was in the greatest mood this afternoon even though everything we set out to do didn't work out because the weather was so nice outside. I wish we coulda had one of our park nights...I miss having the chance to just sit and talk with people. You really have no idea how much you've missed of their lives until you've sat down and really talked to them.

posted by j.why @ 2:39 AM