This is my space and these are my thoughts

I know I've avoided talking about this here but it's constantly on my mind. Looking at Kobe, it's hard to believe that he's dying from cancer. He's happy, energetic, eating, drinking - there just doesn't seem like there's something wrong with him. But the sad truth is, there is.

It's almost mid-March now. It's been almost two months since we found out about this. The doctor said that, even with the medication, he'd only have about three months. That means that my time with Kobe is quickly drawing to an end. It's so hard to know that someone close to you is dying and there's nothing you can do about it.

It's so hard to tell. Is he in pain? Does he know what's happening to him? When the time finally comes that the medicine stops being effective, what am I supposed to do? When am I supposed to put him down? Do I do it right in the beginning so that he won't feel the pain of the cancer and the anorexia? Or do I wait until he completely stops eating, and have him live as long as he possibly can?

The one good thing is that he's eating now. He's actually eating more now. He'll constantly stop in front of the pantry, hoping for a biscuit. He's getting three cups of food per meal as opposed to the two he used to get. I've finally noticed that he's put on weight.

My only hope is that the doctor will be wrong about the three months thing. I don't want to lose Kobe so soon. He's had such a short life. He's only 5! He's still my baby!

posted by j.why @ 9:45 PM