This is my space and these are my thoughts

Once again, I've left my blog bare of any entries for many months. My heartfelt apologies to anyone who still comes here.

Tribute to a friend I miss being a friend to:
So I was just reading a friend's blog when I realized that there is so much going on in his life that I don't know about. He's supposed to be one of my closest friends, the only one who truly knows all my secrets, and yet I've so lost touch with him that I don't even know what's going on in his life anymore.

When did this happen? How did I let it get to this state of neglect? When was the moment that I decided to close myself off to the world and even to some of my closest friends? Sophomore year of university started, and even though I was living with friends, I was slowly turning myself into a hermit.

It's true, I still go out with friends on the weekends, but what happened to the substance of it all? I feel like I've been skimming along on the surface of life for months and I don't know how to stop. I've lost all motivation for anything. I'll be excited about going to a club one day and the night before the event, I'll all of a sudden lose interest and back out of plans. I've tried encouraging myself to go to the gym, to get fit, and the most that I've done is sit at home and eat even more unhealthily than before.

This all brings me back to my friend. I guess it's been difficult for me to talk to him after he got together with his girlfriend. The whole relationship has been weird for me because before they were an item, we all were already hanging out together as a group of friends. And after they got together, I always found it so hard to tell when it is group time and when they want to be alone.

What I miss the most is the long conversations we used to have over the phone late at night. A lot of the time, he'd be on the computer and distracted but when I had a problem, he was always there to listen. I miss the calls he'd make to me about planning what to do next for his girl. I always found it so amusing that everything had to be planned out just so.

The hardest part about being friends with both sides of the couple was that I always felt my closeness to the guy was a betrayal to the girl, even though I knew, I knew, it wasn't. So I stopped asking to talk to him on the phone and messaging him on MSN as often. And now we have reached the current situation.

I really want that friendship back. I want to know that I have someone there that I can depend on in my time of need and that I can be there for when he wants to talk.

posted by j.why @ 1:16 AM